


Like It Was Yesterday

by AmelieofK



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23429215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmelieofK/pseuds/AmelieofK
Summary: Junhoe no longer felt awkward with Bobby, but why does Bobby keep distancing himself from Junhoe socially, even though they both had not caught the virus? The only thing catching seem to be the lack of understanding between them, especially after the latest comeback.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 20
Kudos: 72





	Like It Was Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> I told y'all, whether I like it or not, JunBob will always have a hold on me, even if they are no longer awkward with each other. 
> 
> Contains graphic sex scenes, so come with tissues if you're over 18 or don't come at all...LOL!

The virus got everyone wilding and Junhoe was just happy that promotions finally ended, because it meant he could go back home and spent more time with Bbangddaeng.

The dorm had gone too quiet for the longest time. It was as if something had died.

Junhoe knew exactly what died and so did everybody else, but no one dared removed the carcass so it had lain there, permeating the walls, sticking to them like some cloying stench, which had remained unspoken for, for no reason at all and nobody was about to clean it. 

It was like the crescendo of a wondrous symphony, which had spiralled high from early 2018 and then had suddenly fizzled out into a bunch of discordant sounds towards mid-2019. The fact that they had decided to trudge on, carry the name of the group collectively, had almost seemed like some sort of a reflex action. After all, where was there to go, if not forward? There was not even time to mourn the loss of whatever it was that had kept them together all these years. The company had their expectations and with it, came no reprieve.

Predictably, they all knew that there would be backlash. Why else would there be changes made so hastily at the last minute? The hurried retaking of photos (in a booth, no less!), getting him to get his hair dyed that shade of blonde. No one could have been happy about moving on without proper closure or at the very least a proper tie-up, least of all them. They had to face it, whether or not they wanted to and Junhoe hated that the most of all. The moving on and pretending as if nothing happened. The hardest lesson he had learnt in his adult life was having to pretend everything is okay and to keep his opinions to himself, no matter how hard it was to keep. Often, people talk about how their individual opinions matter, but the fact is, this was the biggest myth in real life. Everyone had to keep it together under the guise of ‘professionalism’ when every other reason fails and that probably sucks the most. Perhaps, this was why he missed his childhood days even as his twenty-fourth birthday loomed upon him.

Amidst all this chaos, his interactions with Bobby seemed to have run its course as well.

They both had set it up to fail anyway. The way everyone had been clamouring for them to stop being awkward with each other all these years, being coerced into working with each other for the comeback to make music. He could already read Bobby’s face when that news was announced. How uncomfortable it must be, the thought of having Junhoe in his studio, his comfort zone. How Donghyuk had laughed loudly when they said Junhoe was to begin work on writing songs with Bobby's guidance.

Junhoe could understand it all. He hid it underneath his gummy grin, as Donghyuk choked on his laughter while Jinhwan kept nudging him to stop. Meantime, Bobby stood there rooted to the spot, trying to look everywhere, but at him. Even Yunhyeong and Chanwoo tittered nervously at the idea, probably pitying the both of them, as if they would die, simply from being left alone in each other's presence.

Junhoe had brought his guitar, which had not been necessary. Bobby’s studio itself had a few good working ones, but Junhoe was being Junhoe, of course, readily assuming that he might as well bring his own, instead of waiting for someone to provide. Hanbin had once commented, it must be a burdensome trait to think the worst of everyone, but Junhoe contended it was better than to assume people would always do things for you. That was the reason why he had wanted to start doing things on his own after all. Also, the mention of Hanbin still hurts, so that was that.

Things did not get any better when they started. Bobby with his unsmiling face, always standing by the door, as if he wanted to escape at any given moment Junhoe made the slightest move. He was only close when it was for the cameras and then after that, it was as if Junhoe had some invisible force, which was repelling him away, so Junhoe did his best to keep out of Bobby’s way when they were alone in the studio.

“Hyung, please let’s be comfortable.” Junhoe had tried assuring him, sitting on the bed with one leg crossed under him. He had brought his notebooks full of songs and poems, but Bobby had only perused them for a few moments, before stating that everything had a ‘good feel’ and he could not decide. Bobby had sort of half snorted and gave a totally uncomfortable laugh at Junhoe’s statement.

“I am comfortable. Don’t say that, man. How can I be uncomfortable with you?” Bobby had protested almost indignantly, scratching the back of his head. Junhoe sighed heavily. No matter how many times he said he and Bobby were no longer awkward, who was he kidding? This was how things would always be between them. Perhaps this, was their destiny.

They worked on the songs, they drank together sometimes and Bobby was ten times funnier when he was wasted, but Junhoe was not sure whether he could attribute that to Bobby alone, or the after effects of his own third bottle of whisky which he had emptied without reservation, because being with Bobby did make him want to drink more for some reason.

Whatever it was, promotions ended and he got to go home a few times. Bobby went back to his studio with Donghyuk now. Until now, no extended invitation for Junhoe to drop by, or even to join them at the studio.

The lockdown had happened at an inopportune moment. He had been back to the dorm that early week, to work on some songs and Bobby came back a day after. Donghyuk and Jinhwan had been slated to return that night, but then they announced the lockdown with immediate effect, especially around their area and that was that. Even Jaeho- _hyung_ was stuck, because he had a day off and he had spent that at home. They all received the message to stay put where they are, as the staff tried to get them special passes and Junhoe heaved a sigh as he sat on his bed. It was slated to last the week and any changes would be announced as soon as possible, or they would have to cancel any engagements they had.

“Junhoe-ya!” Bobby yelled, knocking on his door. _Open the door, open the door_ , Junhoe dared him, but he did not.

“Coward.” Junhoe whispered under his breath. “Yes, _hyung_?” Junhoe opened his room door just the slightest, not surprised to see Bobby standing at least a feet apart from his door, as if Junhoe was going to jump at him or something for disturbing him.

“Ah…you’re here. I thought you were out.” Bobby ameliorated at the sight of him. Junhoe smiled with tightened lips as if to say, nope I’m here, like it or not. “Would you like to order dinner? Jjang-myeon maybe or something from the noodle place?” Junhoe opened the door completely as if considering.

“Chicken?” Junhoe suggested. Bobby smiled.

“And pizza?” He added. Junhoe nodded, returning a beaming smile.

For awhile, things were comfortably quiet between them. It was universally agreed that food brings even the worst of enemies together. The theory was apparently applicable to an admirable person who one, might or might not have a crush on and therefore, was terminally awkward with for some unexplained reason. The thing was figuring out which role the other one was playing. As they both cleared up the remnants of their dinner, they settled into a silence that was slightly less awkward than usual. Junhoe wondered if it was the food, or perhaps the fact that they knew it was just going to be the two of them in the dorm for an indefinite amount of time.

“Will we just be ordering food tomorrow as well?” Junhoe asked as he poured a shot of whisky from his own stash for Bobby and another for himself.

‘Do you want to? I mean, between the two of us, I’m pretty sure we can cook a decent bowl of _ramyun_?” Junhoe nodded, laughing at Bobby’s joke, knowing they both could actually prepare a decent meal, if they just put a bit more effort into it. The silence was not too awkward after that and they shared the whisky in silence. It must have been really late when they both stumbled to a stand, walking to each other’s room respectively. At one point, Bobby listed to one side and Junhoe caught him. Bobby had giggled, held on to him and both of them lost their balance, falling softly to the floor in laughter, Bobby on top Junhoe.

“ _Hyung_ …”Junhoe was giggling, lying back on the floor in stitches, for no good reason other than the fact that he was in all probability, tipsy after one and a half bottle of whisky. Plus, this was Bobby, and laughing seem so much a better option than the heavy, awkward silences which always sprouted between them, like some benign, but still unwelcome virus. Junhoe’s laugh filled the doorway and the empty spaces of their dorm. Bobby had stopped awhile ago, gazing at Junhoe, silently admiring his face. This close, there seem to be nothing else to do, but appreciate the chiseled jawline and the supple lips peeled back to showcase even, white teeth. With his nose all scrunched up, his eyes shut tight encased within his easygoing humour, Bobby was in awe of him. He had always been and he never thought the moment would ever arrive that he would have to come to terms with it. “ _Hyung_?” Junhoe had ceased laughing.

He was pinned down, not only by Bobby’s body, but by that completely piercing, unjudging gaze.

“Hmm…” Bobby responded, except there was so much in that exhale. There was clarity, there was something unexplainable yet real, there was…desire.

It was not just apparent in Bobby’s gaze akone. Junhoe did not know many things about intimacy and what little he knew was from checking out porn videos as a hormonal teen. Yet, the bulge he could feel between Bobby’s thighs now nestled slightly between his own legs. Well, there was no lie about that, too. Junhoe could feel it with just as much certainty as the fact that he would have loved nothing more than to have his lips against his Bobby- _hyung’_ s right there and then.

“We…we…should go…to sleep, right?” His lips betrayed him at the last second, as Bobby who himself, had been torn between closing the gap between them or pulling away, nodded reluctantly. That broke the spell and as always, Junhoe berated himself for being so foolish to believe in such a romantic notion. That there could be attraction between two grown men. That he could desire Bobby and trick himself into believing that someone like Bobby, who has had so many relationships with other women, would even consider him as someone, well, someone _fuckable_ even.

Bobby had pulled away, trying to hide the blush creeping on his face, standing up and apologising profusely. For what, Junhoe was not sure, at all.

“Yes, of course, we should sleep…” Bobby slurred, wanting to assist Junhoe up but Junhoe had stood up quite unsteadily. He was trying hard now, to display that he was drunk, although Junhoe who had drank with him before, on a few occasions, knew that Bobby could actually hold his liquor well. He barely had more than two shots of whisky just now so, Junhoe wondered if this was just another one of those ruse to avoid Junhoe at all costs. A sentiment Junhoe could perfectly understand and relented to.

“Well, goodnight, _hyung_.” Junhoe muttered and quickly retreated into his room, not even glancing back to where Bobby stood in the silence of the lighted doorway, shoulders stooped in resignation, trying to understand something he could barely even begin to fathom.

~~~~~

Junhoe could barely open his eyes after last night. He only knew one thing though, his head was starting to throb with the impending hangover courtesy of the whisky he downed yesterday and his dick was already distended and pulsating, desperate for relief. It did not help that his mind could still remember the events, which had led up to that intimate moment they had shared in the doorway last night. He reluctantly got up to pee, dressed hurriedly in one of his many track pants.

One thing at a time, he thought, shuffling out into the silence of the dorm towards the bathroom, eyes still shut closed, keeping himself cocooned within the illusion that he was still asleep. He unsheathed his engorged penis out from the top of the track pants, giving it a good shake before he hunkered over the toilet bowl, an arm up to hold the wall and not even looking to see if he was aiming correctly. He grunted with relief, as he began spilling out the contents of his bladder then groaned triumphantly as it petered out into a slow trickle, a blissful smile playing on his lips at the thought of all the rest he would be getting today, considering there was practically no schedule until tomorrow afternoon. Sleeping in was definitely at the top of the list, he thought, fingers reaching blindly for the flush button. In an almost robotic manner, he shuffled towards the sink to wash his hand, cupping some water to wash his length, which was still stiff from another kind of need.

That was when his eyes snapped open in alarm. He had the distinct feeling as if he was being watched. He swallowed the constriction in his throat and turned to his right, only to find Bobby staring openmouthed at him from the dimness of the shower stall. Junhoe had assumed no one was in the bathroom, because the lights had been off. He was obviously wrong.

“Bobby- _hyung_ …” He whispered, eyes rounded in a mixture of surprise and horror, taking in the sight of Bobby buck naked, one hand on the tiled wall and the other on his substantial length, probably midway through a stroking session, which Junhoe now fully realised, had been halted due to the sudden interruption he had unwittingly caused. Bobby had the shower on and the only light came from the tiny rectangular window at the top where sunlight had filtered in, showing Junhoe more than he needed to see.

Bobby’s naked form, nestled in the steam of the warm water he had running; sinewy, muscular and pleasantly curvy in all the right places, was quite the sight to behold so early in the morning. Almost immediately, Junhoe could feel his own body responding to it. He turned away, hoping Bobby would say something now, to not make things awkward, but Bobby had remained silent. “Ah- _hyung_ , I’m sorry, I didn’t kno-.”

“ _Gwaenchana_ , Junhoe-ya.” He replied and _fuck_! when did he stepped out of the shower stall, because his voice was way too near. He was practically just a few steps behind. Junhoe realised with mounting horror that he had left the tap water running in the sink and he quickly pushed the handle down to turn it off. “Junhoe?” Bobby called out.

In the heavy, inexpressible silence, the throaty rasp of his voice resonated so wonderfully within the acoustics of the bathroom, it made Junhoe utter a soft cry, trying to muffle the moan, which had almost escaped from between his lips. Junhoe realised that he was no longer asleep now. His erection, turgid and roiling, was putting up a stubborn protest to that idea completely. He quickly pushed it back into his pants before it made a fool out of him, although a part of him knew that it was tad bit too late for that.

“I’m tired, I’ll just go…” He managed between gritted teeth, making a move towards the door, but Bobby was suddenly there. _Too close, too close_ , Junhoe thought in panic, his hand had barely grabbed the handle, but Bobby already had his smacked in the middle of the door, as if intent to stop him. There was a scatter of foamy bubbles on the back of his hand and Junhoe could smell the distinct fragrance of honey sea coconut and the mild antiseptic from Bobby’s soap.

No, not soap.

It was a milk bath distilled from the tropical scent of honey sea coconuts and infused with goats’ milk to guarantee an everlasting fragrance that would last throughout the day. He knew, because that was all he had for reading material while he was showering. It was part of a luxury series from a well-known men’s brand of body care. Sometimes, he even uses it. Especially when he misses Bobby’s scent.

_Shit_.

Junhoe put an immediate stop to his train of thoughts, but Bobby loomed by his side and now, Junhoe could barely breathe with him standing this close, smelling this good. His arousal was already clamouring for its release, ebullient and untamed at the sight of that foamy bubble, within his line of sight.

“Please, don’t go.” Bobby whispered, his voice thick and dangerously low. His breath was warm against Junhoe’s bare shoulder. “Stay.” Junhoe trembled at this sudden, unexpected plea and Bobby’s lips was trailing there, blowing warm pockets of air against his skin. Junhoe winced at this contact, one hand flying up and flattened against the door as if his knees had suddenly gone weak and he needed support to hold himself up.

“ _Hyung_ …” He moaned thickly in that gorgeous vibrato. It filled Bobby with the kind of hope he had not dared to even dream about.

“Did you know what I was doing just now, Junhoe-ya?” He asked, moving even closer and Junhoe could feel something against his hip now, something that was soft, hard and stiff, bouncy almost. He quivered again. “I was jacking off.” Bobby confessed, his lips hovered near his nape. He was…closer. There was a click. Bobby had locked the bathroom door. “Do you know who I was imagining jacking off to? Hmm?” Bobby sussurated, his tongue now skirting the curve of one earlobe. His chest was practically grazing Junhoe’s back, his erection bouncing on and off Junhoe’s derriere. 

“ _Hyung…don’t tell me, I-_ ” Junhoe groaned loudly, desperately hoping he was not loud enough to wake up anybody and then remembering that there was only the two of them there.

Alone.

With no one else in the dorm with them.

_Why did Bobby lock the fucking door, then?_

“I was thinking about how good it would feel to just, just take you from the back.” Bobby moaned, his tongue continuing its worship over the curves of Junhoe’s back. He turned Junhoe to face him. “Can I please have you, Junhoe? _Please_?” He pleaded, tongue trailing saliva across Junhoe’s neck, nesting in the crook of one clavicle and then the next with barely controlled restraint. Junhoe had thrown his head back, caught in both the pleasure of knowing that Bobby was thinking of him while pleasuring himself and the amorous attention Bobby was pouring upon him right then. Bobby cupped Junhoe’s face between his hands, forcing Junhoe to look into his eyes. Bobby needed Junhoe to look him in the eye when he surrendered himself to him.

“ _Hyung_ …” Junhoe breathed and that was all the fight he could put up.

“I promise I won’t ever ask for anything else, just this. So please tell me. Tell me, now. Look at me and tell me that I can have you.” It was crazy, Junhoe thought wildly. Just moments ago, all he could think of was going back to sleep but now, his focus was completely hinged upon how thick and engorged Bobby’s length was grinding recklessly against his own considerable bump hidden behind the track pants. Bobby had followed his gaze, gulping at the rounded end of Junhoe’s cock, peeking out over the waistband of those pants, glistening at the tip with emission.

“Is that answer enough, Bobby- _hyung_? Or do you need me to show it to you to prove it?” Junhoe panted against Bobby’s forehead. Bobby’s head snapped up; bright, preternatural eyes gazing at him in mild surprise. “You can have me. You don’t even need to ask, my body will never lie to you.” Junhoe gasped sharply as Bobby’s mouth conquered his in swift reprisal to that emboldened statement.

Bobby pushed Junhoe roughly against the door, pressing so tightly, that Junhoe’s back was almost plastered to it. Junhoe’s arms flailed above Bobby’s shoulders. Bobby grabbed his wrists, pinning them above Junhoe’s head tightly as his tongue conquered the space inside the feathery softness of Junhoe’s mouth with an eagerness which speaks of an untethered hunger. Junhoe writhed against this sudden attack to his senses; his mouth cottoned by the fullness of Bobby’s busy tongue, his hands stretched, fingers scrabbling to grip the hand, which was now holding his wrists captive and his chest now sleek with the sticky foam residue from the soap. It was both exhilarating and frightening. It was the unlocking of doors they had both been afraid to open and look into.

Most importantly, Junhoe embraced the absolute euphoria of Bobby’s length sidled tight and grinding smoothly against his own.

Eventually, Bobby released his wrists and Junhoe wrapped his arms around that circular thorn tattoo embossed around Bobby’s neck, fingers raking in from under the nape and into the back of Bobby’s damp curls. Their collective muffled pants began reverberating within the bathroom as their mouths fused together in a shameless display of mutual desires.

When Bobby finally allowed him to breathe, Junhoe’s lips were swollen, pouting and gasping for air. Bobby’s thumb and pointer fingers began rubbing Junhoe’s nipples, evoking deep mewls of pleasure, which now bounded within the confined space in yummy echoes. Bobby, encouraged by the sounds, began letting the rough texture of his tongue to flatten against and slide down the ivory valley between Junhoe’s chest, trailing a warm, coveted path all the way down to those chocolate abs, now taut and tight, tickled from all that dedicated licking.

“Look at yourself, Junhoe-ya.” Bobby instructed, his voice coaxing, pulling down those pants hurriedly. “Look at how hard you are.” Bobby whispered, the tip of his tongue poised over the shiny end of Junhoe’s cock in anticipation.

“ _Hyung_ , please…,” Junhoe pleaded in a hoarse whisper. Whether it was in protest for Bobby to stop or to continue remained doubtful. He yelped, his deep voice thick with wanton desire as Bobby began lapping the business end of Junhoe’s prow with ardent licks. “ _Hyuuung_ ….nnngggh!” Junhoe was at a loss for words now, because Bobby’s mouth had become the perfect, velvet glove encasing him completely in ecstasy. Junhoe’s fingers raked through his curls, cupping the back of Bobby’s skull, groaning aloud at this primal display of affection.

“I knew…you’d taste so good.” Bobby whispered in satisfaction, the walls of his mouth clenching and unclenching around the pulsing tube of Junhoe’s erection now utterly stiff and demarcated with veins he could feel along the sensitive surface of his tongue. Junhoe was holding on to both sanity and desire desperately, whilst Bobby found himself caught in the upswept of a passion he had only allowed to exist between the covers of his bedsheets.

Both were very much aware that this unexpected encounter in the bathroom of the dorm they have shared for the last three years, was about to undergo a major and complete overhaul. The whole dynamics, this awkwardness, which had existed between the two of them, was about to go through a fundamental shift, with repercussions which would probably be filled with regrets later on. And while Junhoe remained pessimistic; with the logic that this could never be anything more than just a romp in bed, Bobby thought it was just the beginning of having all his feelings and this ungoverned attraction for Junhoe confirmed and no longer a thing he had to hide.

“Bobby- _hyung_ …” Junhoe whispered in sheer ecstasy, as Bobby turned him around, planting tiny nips along Junhoe’s tapered hips as he did so. Bobby’s fingers had gripped the two ample cheeks of Junhoe’s derriere possessively, spreading them up and outwards as his tongue found the hidden spot, puckered and all red from this sudden exposure. ‘Wait, _hyung_ , no… ** _fuck_**.” Junhoe began to flounder and then curse, as he felt Bobby’s tongue running across his butthole without missing a beat. He groaned, long and deep.

“That’s right. I knew you would love this.” Bobby commented softly, blowing against the entrance before running his tongue upon it once more, this time with deeper, concentrated licks. Junhoe could only groan, bracing himself against the door with his palms before it could flatten his arousal. The tip of Bobby’s tongue was playing around the circular shape of his tightness and Junhoe wondered how his head has not already exploded from the barrage of pleasures this gesture alone was providing him. He grunted, resting his forehead against the door, trying to control the cadence of his breaths. Bobby’s tongue teased and coaxed even as Junhoe writhed against the door, sometimes even tapping his temple gently on it, to control the euphoria gripping his whole body as it quivered under the relentless exercise of that wonderfully skilled tongue, worming its way into the taut recesses of his opening. Bobby buried his mouth into Junhoe’s derriere, caught in the fever of his desire and never wanting to let up. _Not one bit. Not at all_.

Moments later, Bobby’s lips was gliding up the curve of Junhoe’s spine, raining kisses upwards, licking the mole beneath Junhoe’s shoulder blade for good measure, before sucking against the back of his graceful neck.

“ _Hyung_ …” Junhoe whimpered, in a weakened state after Bobby’s unrelenting attention upon that most intimate part of him. He needed more now, though. It was as if the door had opened into another universe laden only with pleasures he could only dream about. Bobby stroked himself from the back, completely heated and encouraged by Junhoe ready to surrender to him.

“Yes, Junhoe…do you want more?” He whispered, licking the back of Junhoe’s ear. Junhoe winced and groaned aloud in ecstasy, nodding his head in eager consent. “Oh, baby…I want to, but it might hurt.” Bobby interred. Both his hands had climbed towards the front of Junhoe’s body; a set of fingers fiddling with the bud of a hardened nipple and the other, stroking the engorged length jutting angrily from between his legs. Junhoe groaned Bobby’s name once more. The sound filled the bathroom with an ethereal quality and Bobby slowly ground his length between the supple cheeks of Junhoe’s derriere.

“ _Hyung_ …please.” Junhoe begged, grazing himself against Bobby in utter, carnal need. An action which elicited a moan from Bobby himself, realising that the need to conquer was now becoming more prevalent.. “It won’t hurt that much, would it?” Junhoe was asking now, his body quivering with a thirst which needed to be slaked immediately. Bobby’s gaze feel wildly upon the bathroom mirror, sighting the baby oil Jinhwan had bought recently on the adjoining shelf. He grabbed it and set to work greasing himself before administering a generous amount around and into Junhoe’s delicate hole.

“I’m going in, Junhoe-ya. There’s no turning back now.” Bobby shivered with anticipation. As it was, Bobby was right about a lot of things, including the part where there would be no turning back.

~~~~~

“You did well, so if you ever need my help, I’ll always be there.” Bobby had promised, trying hard to keep his gaze straight and steady on Junhoe as they celebrated his birthday on Vlive.

“Well,” Junhoe replied with a gummy smile, curved suggestively at him, nodding with a merry twinkle in his dark eyes. “I’ll be needing a lot of help, _hyung_ , so don’t worry.” He laughed thickly, and Bobby managed a blush, which Jinhwan had caught with a knowing smile. Of course, Jinhwan would notice first before everyone else, he was the closest to Junhoe. Plus, he had been asking what happened to his big bottle of baby oil and commented on the suspicious amount of times he had caught Junhoe going into Bobby’s room with guitar in hand, wearing that effervescent smile on his lips.

On the outset, everything seemed the same, not that things were normal, especially not after June last year. Bobby realised that his feelings for Junhoe ran deeper than he thought, but he was still unable to come to terms with it.

And Junhoe? Well Junhoe became fitter, stronger and sometimes prone to a sadness that was unexplainable, but perfectly understandable to Bobby, who was always there to offer his arms and his body whenever needed. Bobby also discovered that loving Junhoe was even more complicated than he had expected it would be, but then again, Junhoe was barely affectionate, unless the conversation was happening under the covers of their bed or every time he got frisky. No one knew of course, except for Bobby and it was probably the only thing which now had set him apart from all the other members. That Junhoe was closer to him than even Jinhwan in all sense of the word. 

“What did you wish for?” Bobby asked him, after they had finished shooting Leeteuk _sunbae_ ’s show. Junhoe had been his usual excited and loud self, but Bobby knew there would always be that underlying sadness.

“To be happy, I guess. Not to be so lonely anymore.” Junhoe whispered, as he sat on Bobby’s bed. He was planning to go home that night, but had dropped by the dorm at Jinhwan’s insistence.

“Even with me, you still feel lonely?” Bobby had said gently, holding Junhoe’s hand tightly. Junhoe smiled, his eyes creased at Bobby’s question. 

“I don’t mean that, _hyung_. I meant, growing older is quite scary, isn’t it? Things we have to accept when they don’t go our way. Mistakes we have to live with, people we have to be without.” Bobby gazed at him in awe, amazed by how mature and deep Junhoe sounded. Junhoe had just washed his hair, the towel hung around his neck and yet his face was ever youthful, looking fresh and clear. “It’s hard to be happy as you grow older, harder even to find ways to be happy.” He conjectured.

“Well, I’m happy. I mean, there will be moments when my sadness threatens to overrun my life. There will be days when we are together when I feel truly blessed and happy to still be doing what we all had set out to do together five years ago.” Bobby surmised, a bitter smile curving across his thin lips. “I don’t think that has changed at all.”

“You’re right.” Junhoe agreed. “Nothing has changed when it comes to our dreams, but we continue growing, to accept and mould the path to follow the road we have decided to walk on.” Bobby nodded heartily in agreement.

“I’m happy to be with you too, Junhoe-ya.” Bobby confessed. Junhoe turned slightly to him and the surprise on his face made Bobby’s smile curve even wider. “ I mean, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I really meant what I said during the recording tonight. I’m going to be there for you and not just for your music, I want to be there for more than that.”

“What are you really trying to say, _hyung_?” Junhoe asked, looking slightly bewildered. He might have just turned twenty-four, but Bobby’s best friend, Hanbin had been right when he told Bobby that you simply cannot get anything across to Junhoe, unless you give it to him straight.

“What I mean is, I love you.” Bobby said, not looking at Junhoe after saying it, because this was already hard as it is. He had tried to keep away after working on Deep Night, trying to get back to his usual schedule, working with Donghyuk, but it had only made him missed having Junhoe in his studio. Junhoe with his guitar, sitting on his bed, his voice ringing through the place. His presence, even in that short period of time, had filled a void which Bobby did not even realised had been there all along, until Junhoe stopped coming. He even missed the drinking sessions they usually had after studio time was over. “And not I love you as just a little brother or anything, I just…I just love you with all my heart.” Bobby bared his feelings.

“Is that…is that the reason why you are still uncomfortable with me?” Junhoe questioned him. He was not looking at Bobby either. His hand was still clutching Bobby’s though and tightly too. Bobby laughed nervously.

“Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.” Bobby admitted. “Mostly because I don’t really know how you feel about me. I mean you’re a good fuck and all, but this is deeper than any physical thing for me. I’m just afraid that if I told you the truth, you would not believe me, or even feel like you don’t need this, whatever this is.” Bobby tried explaining then faltered, because this was his innermost feelings and these were thoughts he never thought would ever surface, what more talk about so openly someday with Junhoe himself.

“I thought you were uncomfortable because maybe, I annoy you. I thought you didn’t really like having me around. “ Junhoe said timidly, touching his upper lip, a gesture Bobby was quite familiar with. Junhoe did it every time he was nervous and for some reason that was all the reassurance Bobby needed.

“I’m sorry for making you feel that way but you never will be that to me.” Bobby stated, looking at him now. “I’m always nervous around you, not because I’m uncomfortable with you, but because you are someone really beautiful to me. Outside and inside, everything about you makes me feel as if I am not worthy to be around you.” Bobby confessed. Junhoe hugged him quite suddenly. _Tightly_. Fingers raking the backs of Bobby’s shoulders as if to stop him from saying anything further. 

“I love you too.” Junhoe sniffled and Bobby knew he was crying. “So…don’t feel unworthy or anything. I want you to love me. I want to be more than a good fuck to you.” Junhoe added, laughing through his tears. Bobby hugged him back, the wave of love he had tried keeping back all these years, finally released from its dam, now drowning him, still fresh and true like it was yesterday. They seem to pool in his eyes, threatening to spill without mercy.

“Ya~why are we crying like babies?” Bobby scolded Junhoe, hitting him gently on the back.

“I don’t know!” Junhoe cried out, letting his tears spill. “Maybe being a year older makes me more sentimental.” He added. Bobby released Junhoe, taking the towel around his neck and dabbing it tenderly over those dark eyes, now filled with the kind of happiness Bobby had always wanted to see. Junhoe wiped Bobby's tears with his fingers as well.

“You should not be crying on your birthday.” Bobby said after awhile when the silence descend between them once more, only this time, it was pregnant with meaning and was not uncomfortable anymore.

There was a knock on the door and they quickly parted. Both moving away from each other slightly, as the door opened.

“Ya~what are you two doing? Come out, we are ready to cut the cake!” Jinhwan was announcing, gazing at them with a suspicious eye. Both looked as if they had been crying, but they were smiling so brightly as well. “Is everything alright?” Jinhwan asked, standing by the door with uncertainty.

“Yes, everything’s alright, _hyung_.” Bobby answered. “You want to go out first? I just need to put on my shirt and then I’ll join you all.” Bobby’s gaze fell on Junhoe in a way Jinhwan had never seen before. That Bobby dared to look at Junhoe with such affection and so much love, and the fact that Junhoe was returning that gaze so comfortably, was simply astounding. Something was definitely going on and Jinhwan knew he had to text Hanbin tonight to ask if he knew anything about this.

“Sure. I’ll wait for you outside.” Junhoe answered and for the first time in the history of knowing the two of them, it was Jinhwan who suddenly felt as if he was the third wheel.

**END**


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